Learning to laugh through the anger...

Having had a few train wrecks of my own (I guess that wasn't my neighbour's SUV with the UHaul trailer that just looked like mine), I've become a bit obsessed with celebrity train wrecks. After all, I can be thankful that when I walk into work, kids can't say "Oh look. It's that dumbass who lived with a guy who left her at home to raise his kids while he gambled away all her money." My shame is only known to a select few. But I do have something to learn from these celebrity train wrecks. On a recent episode of Oprah Winfrey, the current train wreck that is David Arquette talked about anger. He said that he has learned that anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die. It got me thinking about my own anger... and how do I deal with it?

Anyone who knows me knows that I receive a plethora of emails from someone to whom I will be forever linked... not by choice. These emails used to fill me with anger. Over the years, and thankfully due to the volume of them, I have learned that humour is the best way to deal with my anger. In responding to these emails using humour, I am able to deflect my own anger back on the person who has caused it... in essence throwing his drink right back in his face. It has allowed me to appreciate the absurdity of these interactions and to learn to take all the crap that life has thrown at me with a hearty laugh.

While I am not thankful for that a once great relationship has been downgraded to pretty much open hositility, I am grateful that it has allowed me to learn and grow and tell a really wicked joke.

Recently, I took this humour and applied it to a spoken exchange. Speaking about an (once again) absurd electronic interaction, I used my humour to let this person know that I no longer feel enraged but, rather, find them amusing. Using humour to replace anger, I found it to be a powerful tool to not only calm myself and let things go but to let the adversary know that he does not have the ability to control my emotions. Only I do. But I do have to admit, I'm no saint. It was pretty funny to see how unnerved he was when I laughed and smiled.

As I make my away from my current train wreck, I can reflect on what I have learned and use it to move forward... throwing another person's drink right back in his face.

Dude... I just got dumped on Facebook.

So the other day my mother is telling a story about a boy that I was friends with in primary school. I open up my Facebook account so I can show her pictures of him and his family and the unimagineable has happened... he has "unfriended" me. No warning. No message. Just a click of the button and he has declared us "unfriends." The emotions that I feel: confusion, shock, hurt, dismay... ambivalence?

From a logical point of view, I stop and think: "This is someone I haven't had any type of relationship with or even seen in about 27 years so why exactly do I need to know what is going on in his life?" Like seriously. This is dumb. From the emotional point of view I cry out: "WHY ME????"

I mean... let's face it. Rejection is rejection. Having someone "unfriend" you is just cyber talk for getting dumped. No one wants to be dumped... even if it is by someone you haven't had a conversation with in 25 or so years. But it's just so cold. No reason given. No explanation. Just like a real-live dumping, the dumpee is left wondering: "Was it something I posted? Did he just grow tired of having me on his list of 300 plus friends? Did I not fit in with those 300 other people? Did he not like the one and only comment I ever made on a photo he posted in the five years that we had been 'friends'? Was it a mistake? An inadvertent click of the button? Or was it him and not me?"

What is the etiquette for this? Do I message him? Do I cyberstalk him to get my answer? Do I track him down in real life and demand an explanation? Or do I just walk away with my head held high and hope no one noticed? Is it too vindictive to "block" him? Should I track down all the other people we knew in primary school and "friend" them before he does? What do I do??????

Surely we should develop some sort of "code" for this and bring back the humaneness to being dumped. Rather than just a click of the button to "unfriend" someone, I suggest that we have options to click on such as:

• We no longer share the same values.
• I don't want any reminders of my childhood.
• You're much too good looking for me now.
• My spouse is jealous of your existence on Facebook.
• My life is too busy right now but I hope to "friend" you later.
• It's not you, it's me.
• Who the hell are you?

This would allow us, the dumpee, to have some closure. In the meantime, I am tracking down his last known address...because, it doesn't matter the format, you can not leave a girl wondering "WHY?????"