Farewell 2012... forever dear to my heart

I picked up this annoying habit when I did my BEd... reflecting. Ugh. It rears its ugly head every now and then... like tonight. As I sit in a quiet house listening to Sarah McLachlan's beautiful Wintersong album, the need to refllect on this past year is like a grade 9 girl screaming in my ear... as irrational and annoying as it is, there is no choice but to address it.

When you begin a year going through a miscarriage, experiencing a debilitatingly inconvenient mystery ailment and a backpack full of bad decisions, it leaves you a little apprehensive about what the new year has in store for you. Despite the rough start, what an amazingly beautiful and generous year. I know I have said this before but when I look back over the last two years, what an incredible amount of change for the three of us. More than anything that all this change has brought, I am thankful for the peace I feel in my soul. Should my time here on earth end tomorrow, I would begin a new journey (or just go with the wind - I haven't really figured out what I believe will happen) with a full heart. Every unfortunate decision I have made or regrettable path I have taken has landed me in this place at this moment and I sit here with my pups at my feet looking at a beautiful tree and a home ready to welcome people I love to celebrate Christmas.

I began this year by listing off what I was thankful for on a regular basis. Although I think about it every day, I have not really written about it in a while. I am so incredibly grateful to be ending this year with a new husband and a new extended family; what an amazing gift these people are. I am thankful for all the wonderful people we have welcomed into our lives with our move to our new home. I am so flattered to be held in such high regard by a new neighbour and friend that she is unable to believe that I am not her Secret Santa. I appreciate so much the people who have continued to be a part of our lives, to welcome the paramedic into their lives and to embrace us as a couple and a family. I am so happy that the kidlet has neighbourhood friends and a school where he is thriving... and for his teacher who made a DVD of his acting debut. I feel great appreciation that I am well enough this year to participate in the holidays: to host a holiday luncheon for 140 students; to catch up with old friends who are in town for the holidays; host two Christmas dinners and a New Year's Eve party; and just to be able to leave the house. I am thankful to reconnect with a childhood friend, pick up where we left off (albeit virtually) and celebrate the silver anniversary of our friendship. I am thankful that I am back to a job that I love... and for my sense of humour during the times when I am not really loving it all that much.

While we said good-bye to others this year, I am grateful for the time we shared and the lessons they taught me... whether intentional or not. I am sad part of our family decided to leave but excited at the possibilities in store for my brother. I am thankful that I have come to an understanding with my 80 year old man stomach... I will steer clear of all things dairy and it will allow me - about 85% of the time - to get on with my life. I am certainly happy to accept an 85% recovery rate at this point... and just be thankful that it wasn't one of the more serious ailments the doctors threw at me with a wave of their dismissive hands as they ordered more pointless tests.

Earlier this year, the mother of someone who is incredibly special to the kidlet died. Although we were only acquaintances, I think about her often... usually as I listen to her daughter's laughter come through the speaker on the kidlet's iPhone as they "secretly" chat via Facetime or when our hockey kids tease the kidlet about his not-so-secret first love. Her not being able to hear her daughter's beautiful giggle has helped me find my own peace and perspective. At the end of the day, I am just so darn grateful to be witness to all these milestones in the life of such a special boy and to have a unique and dynamic person by my side holding my hand and kissing my forehead.

Ding Dong... Kids Come Knocking

The other day, as I looked into a rather disgusting toilet that I had only just cleaned a few days before and was somewhat perplexed at how this came to be, it dawned on me... I live with four guys. Four! It was yet another light bulb moment which reminded me how life can change in ways we never imagine... never did I imagine my household looking like it does at this moment and never did I think I would be my age with two "sons" in their late teens. Hell, to be perfectly honest, sometimes I look at the kidlet and still wonder "Where the heck did you come from?" And never, never! did it dawn on me I would one day be the smallest person in the house. Once again, the surprise of the inevitable...

On the Oprah channel, they constantly flash the saying "The Best of Times is Now..." and this year I really get it. Our household today looks nothing like I imagined it would this time last year... two strangers came to live - one we planned for and one who just came to us unexpectedly - and what a perfectly great fit. As my mother constantly points out, "It's like they have always been here."

As parents, we are experiencing a lot of inevitable and surprise firsts this year... buying the kidlet shoes which are five!! sizes bigger than they were this time last year, the kidlet Facetiming a girl, finally! watching him perform in a school play, having the puberty talk (way to go, paramedic!), going through a dozen eggs in one meal, hearing a 19 year old introduce me as his "mom," hiding in our room while our older "sons" entertain, picking kids up from parties at 2 am, grounding an overgrown kid to the breakfast table until he comes clean with a girl, watching the kidlet's face light up as he is incessantly teased by the older guys over everything from girls, to picking up dog poop, to haircuts, to eating his fruit a day... watching the joy on the kidlet's face has probably been the greatest out of all these truly awesome experiences.

I have learned many things from our new experiences this year - including that, at every hour of every day, you can find either Friends or the Big Bang Theory on at least one channel - and so, despite my favourite Ross Gellar quote of "Nobody likes change except for a wet baby" - I sit on this rare quiet, snowy evening and think "Actually, I do..." What unfolds for us in life is like the greatest surprise gift of all... it would just be super duper if all these surprises came with a cleaning lady.