I once had a counsellor tell me that my only "problem" was my need for justice. She told me that if I could let go of my need to find fairness in this world, I would really reduce my stress. She gave me this sage advice about seven years ago and I can honestly say to this day... it is a big of crock of shit now as it was then. I think of all the wrongs in this world... not just the big ones but all the little acts of unfairness and I can't help but think "why?" I can't even imagine just letting go of the feeling a need for justice and fairness - it just seems like that would lead us to complete apathy. Don't get me wrong - I have definitely learned to manage my stress levels and to laugh off the feelings generated when I see injustice and unfairness but let it go? Never.
So, today I end my first week of school demanding justice and fairness for those who deserve it. As a teacher, I think of all those high up in education who consistently reward themselves with wage increases, travel budgets, expense accounts while those of us on the "front lines" are left to pick up the pieces left behind by dessimated budgets and an education system that is, above all else, ready to implode. Rather than thinking "what will best serve the needs of the students" we seem to be in this culture of "what will best meet the bottom line"? I have been lucky enough these last few years to be in a somewhat sheltered teaching position but, with this new school year, I have learned exactly how screwed up priorities in education are. As a teacher, I wonder how long I will last before I join the ranks of the completely burned out and disillusioned. As a parent, I wonder how long it will be before my own child falls through the cracks and no one listens to my pleas for help while government officials continue to pad their pockets at the expense of our youth.
On a personal level, I end this day wondering where is the fairness in the universe. Why do good people suffer while those with cold hearts and immoral behaviour flourish? It is days like this where I question the existence of any kind of supreme being or wonder if we are all just biology. If there is a supreme being: I'd really just like to ask: what the fuck do you think you're playing at? Stop being such an asshole.
While I can find laughter in almost anything, somedays I go to bed thinking: I just don't get it.
